Dating Asian Girls: How To Get A Date And Not Be The Creepy Guy

As an Asian woman, I’ve been approached by a variety of men in person or through social networking sites. In my article on Tinder, I listed only 10 examples. But it’s true many of these guys were rude and racist. Some guys, not just Tinder users, seemed to be good-hearted (or so I thought), but things quickly became weird and cringeworthy. In the context of dating, there’s often a prevailing stereotype or fetishization, particularly with the phrase “date Asian girls.” This has added an extra layer of complexity to my experiences, as some individuals approach me not as an individual but as a stereotype based on my ethnicity.

This Australian guy once messaged me via Instagram to tell me that he thought I was attractive and interesting. The message would have been fine if he had said that, but he continued to talk about how he liked Asian women more than White women. I explained to him that what he was saying wasn’t acceptable, but he didn’t understand. I’m not sure if they are just really creepy and racist or if they have never spoken to women from a different country/race before, so they say all the wrong things.

It’s unfortunate if it’s not the first case. As an Asian woman in the UK I can offer some advice to those interested in this subject. Here are some dos and don’ts to remember:

Do not assume that we only understand Chinese because we are (South East Asian).

Do Remember where you are from because that is what people do to get to know one another.

We don’t want to hear about random Asians you may know. No, we are not related and we could care less if we know anyone Asian.

Do Tell us about your life and those who are important to you, regardless of race. This will help us get a better understanding of you.

Do not bombard us with questions or tell us about your recent visit to an oriental restaurant. You are making it a big deal and that makes us feel more alienated.

Show us that you are curious about our country, our culture and if you want to know more from us. We would also be happy to tell you about yours.

You shouldn’t date Asians just because you have a weird yellow fetish or think that all Asians will be innocent and submissive.

Don’t like us because of our race.

Do not believe any myths about Asian women, such as that we are family-oriented or easy to please. This is a very old myth.

Ask us about our work, our family and our lives. Not just Asian girls will appreciate your genuine interest.

Please don’t use these words that make you want to roll your eyes:

“Ni hao.”

My ex was Asian.

I love girls who have traditional values, like you.

You must like it large.

“Omg I just ate Pho the other day.”

“No. “I mean, where exactly are you from?”

You must like ”

“I’ve never been with an Asian girl.”

You can’t be Asian. Your skin is so dark.”

What kind of Asian are You?

Your eyes are huge for an Asian girl.

Your boobs look huge for an Asian girl.

You are tall for an Asian woman.

“You’re so exotic/ alluring/ sensual.”

Just don’t act creepy like this guy:

It’s true, everyone is different due to their background, religious beliefs, and other factors, but at the core, we are all humans with similar needs and wants. When it comes to dating or love, my best advice is to be yourself. Treat us Asian girls or anyone else for that matter as unique humans with respect and care, and accept us as we are. With a little charm and confidence you’ll have no trouble getting the date of your dreams.

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